Second, stop believing things about people and situations that aren’t based on reality.
Third, express and embrace your feelings. When you’re in touch with your feelings it makes you powerful, assertive, and energized. Everyone has feelings, so face up to your own and recognize that others also have feelings. Let go of the unnecessary baggage you’re carrying around with you, too.
Then, face your fears. Healthy fear lets you sense danger. Nice Guys, on the other hand, also have memory fear which originates – and you may remember this from earlier – from not getting their needs met promptly when they were children. Stop playing it safe, and face those fears. Remember that whatever happens, you can handle it!
Fifth, develop integrity. Don’t rely on others or second guessing what others would think is the right course of action. Decide what you believe to be right, and do it.
And finally, set boundaries. Don’t go overboard with this. Only resist as much as is necessary. Remember that if someone crosses your boundaries, it’s not the other person’s problem, it’s yours. As a Nice Guy, up to now, you’ve let other people know that it’s OK to violate your boundaries. As you change and take responsibility, the behavior of those around you will also change and, as a result, your relationships will have more chance to not only survive but grow stronger, too.
And what about your masculinity?
As a result of social changes which began after World War II and which continue to this day, boys and men often believe that they have to hide what are considered to be negative male traits. Instead, they think they have to become what they think women want them to be if they’re to be loved and have a smooth life. The result is generations of men who’ve become more and more passive, disconnected from other men, disconnected from their masculinity, and dependent on approval from women.
But without our masculinity, Gover posits, as a species, we’d have become extinct many eons ago. Masculinity not only gives men strength, discipline, and courage, but also passion, persistence, and integrity. Unfortunately, it’s also associated with bad traits such as aggression, destruction, and brutality.
The suppression of these negative traits by Nice Guys in their attempt to please women, also results in the repression of other positive aspects. The result? Loss of sexual assertiveness, competitiveness, creativity, and ego. Gover also says it leads to a loss of leadership in the family, too, leaving women to lead instead. A role they don’t want.