And here’s something for you to think about if you’re single or your relationship has come to an end: do something different. Don’t choose the same kind of partner. Break the nice-guy cycle of picking someone who needs help or has had bad relationships or money problems in the past. Find someone who’s taking responsibility for their own life.
And another important thing: don’t let the relationship become sexual until you really know the other person. Why? Once your relationship becomes sexual, you stop learning about each other, and it becomes more difficult to break up if you discover things about your partner that are unacceptable to you.
And whatabout when it does come to sex?
Well, almost all Nice Guys Glover has worked with have had some form of unaddressed fear and shame about being sexual and being sexual beings. Sex is where everything – their toxic shame, their fear of abandonment, and all their myriad dysfunctional coping mechanisms become amplified. The way this manifests itself includes not getting enough, having dissatisfying sex, sexual dysfunction, sexual repression, or some form of sexual compulsion – and that could be a pornography addiction, peep shows, cybersex, using 900 numbers, or even frequenting prostitutes.
So what can you do about this?
The first thing to do is come out of the closet! Get that fear and shame out in the open where it belongs. DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP! Talk about your sexuality, your sexual history, and your experiences. Share pornography that you find arousing. And while you do all this, don’t repress your feelings whether those be shame, guilt, fear, or even arousal.
Next, learn to take matters into your own hands. Literally. Before you can have really passionate fulfilling sexual experiences you must learn to experience the same by yourself through healthy masturbation – and that means without pornography or fantasizing. After all, if you can’t pleasure yourself without such distractions it’s likely you won’t be able to with someone else without the need for similar distractions. Learn what feels good to you and become responsible for your own sexual pleasure.
And finally, don’t settle for anything less than good sex. And that means two individuals each taking responsibility for meeting their own needs. So let go of the idea that you need to be a good lover, be clear and direct about what you want, and choose an available partner. Bad sex is not better than no sex.
Glover says you need to follow the example of the bull moose. Be competitive, strong, fierce, and sexually proud. Bull mooses are just what they are, and they do just what they want to do – and that attracts their prospective mates.